Check Point

Sudah enam bulan sejak tulisan saya tentang closure. Ada beberapa hal yang saya kagumi tentang perubahan pada diri saya. Mungkin sebenarnya kecil sekali dibandingkan perjalanan yang perlu saya tempuh. Namun, saya yakin hal ini jadi salah satu katalis proses-proses selanjutnya. Segalanya terasa lebih ringan.

Peace be upon us.

Kelewat

Halo halo,

Mohon maaf ya tanggal 22 kemarin saya lupa tulis update. Jadi post ini tanggal publish-nya di-back date biar tetep cakep hahahaha.

Saya mulai kerja di tempat baru tanggal 15, jadi tanggal 22 itu tepat seminggu saya resmi bukan pengangguran. Terus kuliah juga sudah mulai ngerjain peer tiap minggu. Volunteer jadi panitia acara lari mulai ga kepegang. Ngasisten apalagi. Lari masih, tapi dikurangi karena cedera lutut. Challenge baca 12 buku di tahun 2020 gatau kaya apa kelanjutannya.

Banyak concern ya? Haha.

Awalnya adrenaline rush gitu tiap punya target baru. Semangaaat banget pengen ngejar. Hal yang berkali-kali saya alami dan masih belum ngerti cara menanganinya adalah cara nentuin pace. Kebiasaan ngebut di awal terus cape gitu lho.

Kalau dianalogikan ke lari nih. Dulu zaman lari dipaksa banget (apalagi yang di Malang napas sesak kaya apaan) kerasa bahwa kalo udah sampe ke titik "maksimal" tuh sulit buat recover. Misal nih normalnya HR lari aerobik 155, ini bisa sampe 178 gara-gara ngejar bocah-bocah ajaib itu ga kira-kira, abis itu mau jogging selelet apa juga tetep aja paling banter HR turun ke 165an.

Nah.

Kalo ini dicocoklogi ke burn out kerjaan, ya begitu juga. Sekalinya udah cape, fed up, ya udah ga bisa jadi normal lagi performancenya. Padahal kan kalo diatur biar "secukupnya" aja effortnya tuh mungkin bisa ya. Diatur sedemikian rupa agar masuk ke level engage, tapi ga sampe yang lieur lieur sorangan.

Pindah ke topik yang awal. Sekarang ini saya udah masuk level lieur lieur sorangan kebanyakan yang dipegang haha. Kurang dapat menentukan kapasitas diri nampaknya.

Btw di kehidupan personal pun gitu ga sih. Kaya kalo suka sama orang tuh takut kelewatan terus nanti lama-lama enek? Hahaha engga ya? Ini ketakutan saya seminggu ini. Lah curhat dia.

Apa siah post aku teh ga ada gunanya, post-nya Silmi mah cakep pilihan katanya wkwk.

Project Swordsman: Month 5 Final

I have come to the end of my job-seeking journey. A trip filled with self-questioning. Things haven't been easy, though I must admit that it was still way easier than last year 😅 Oh, about last year, I feel sorry for not involving anyone when I made the decision to take a break. To tell you the truth, I was not sure about what I want. Well, I still am.

It feels like I've grown so much in these past two years.

Since I made it out alive, would like to acknowledge that this wouldn't be possible without the love and support from those around me. I won't be able to get here without you ❤❤❤ (special kudos to my SO, thank you for staying through this hardship)

I made another post, closure, about admitting failure, receiving help, and getting back up.

And to close this post, let's say

YEAYY!!

Project Swordsman: Month 4 Reflection

Oh, so serious! What I learnt from this fourth month.

1. Choose a growth mindset. Recognize you're in control of your choices.

2. Always choose action over inaction. (I take this by heart. One real example is applying as teaching assistant for current SC Analytics run, surprisingly got accepted, then able to meet many amazing people behind the course.)

3. Define success internally, not externally. (Masih terngiang di telingaku ucapan ulang tahun dari SO.)

On the fun side, I got to spend most of my time doing things that best describe "yusrina's teenage days".

1. Comics/anime

2. Boygroup fangirl

3. TV series/shows

4. Sports

Tried to read novels but I couldn't endure five minutes without checking my phone hahaha either the book wasn't good enough or I just lost the skill 🙃 One after school activity that I haven't touched yet is singing/violin practice. Plan to try cover a song but need some more confidence boost haha, been too long not singing more than humming in the shower.

Anyway, it's great to do things I love and recognize that I am actually in control of my choices (I know we need to talk about privilege but you got my point right?). I wish I could keep this in mind and remember it whenever I feel lost.

Project Swordsman: Month 3 Got Better

Here we are in the end of the third month. I have done the eat-sleep-repeat cycle for three months and finally become accustomed to it. Came to love having free time and do nothing hahaha, not bad actually.

I guess I could say that this is the peak of my content level. By that I mean if I have a gauge filled with mixed emotions, today I feel 100% content, for where I am today. Sharing with you things I am thankful for, excited about, and looking forward to in three bullet points.

• I am thankful for friends and family who stay. (Though I might attract creepy-vibe type of friend, but I am thankful for you too)

Mentioning some names I get in touch with this last 30 days that I can remember of.

SO (his update perikanan and encouragement as my alternative energy source🙇); Fika (her baking & hand craft practice update and gardening aspiration shows what passion is); War pocari: Wida, Dhila, Andas (I won't survive without you, das); Last night's catch up: Novi, Astari, Bea, Zuhdi, Toni, Ducun; Weirdest pick up line: Diar, Sahil, Arfie, Dwiky, Diba, mas Hary; Lovely mentor: Pak Fajar, Pak Deden, Mas Wisnu, Kak Tifa; My apakabar monthly routine: Gun, Daryl, Gepe; Travel partner 2017-18: Yoan, Darin, Ami.

 

I realize that people come and go and that is fine. We know we always got each other, right?

I learn that love cross boundaries, tsaaaah

 

• I am excited about my learning progress and where it leads to.

I've been meaning to take MicroMasters Program in edx provided by MITx since 2017, but only got the courage, resources, and enough grit earlier this year. The program consists of 5 courses and 1 comprehensive exam expected to be completed in one year and five months. And I have completed the first course with excellent score. YAY! I didn't know that I have that much perseverance needed to stay on schedule and do what it takes. I am proud of myself (shameless me).

 

Now I am enrolled in the next course that will start in Sep 9th. Might need to dip into my emergency fund if still don't have job by then but let's see. I also consider getting certification in supply chain or project management but this will wait until there is enough resource to do so. Waiting is a good thing here so that I have time to check and be sure if I really want it.

Failing in an aptitude test in early June also do me good favor. I have been playing brain games since then and kind of understand what areas I need to improve: language and problem solving. It is the reason I am back into reading. Tons of books from Big Bad Wolf I haven't read yet haha.

 

• I am looking forward to take a leap of faith.

Just kidding. I am indeed taking a leap of faith by aiming to do a career transition in these challenging times. But I ain't doing another one in this year (I guess?). 

After sending 40 applications (it is exactly 40, I have checked my list), I finally got an interview earlier this month for a consultant role. The interview made me realize that sending applications without getting feedback makes me question my capabilities & experiences. That leads to me sending more applications aimlessly, then leads to more self-criticism. It is a never ending cycle that takes so much energy.

The interview is a wake-up call, that I actually know what I want and what I am capable of. I think that's why it was easy for me and the person who I was talking to to agree that the vacancy she had was not the right fit for me. After that day, I decide on an indicator for a job I should apply to. Quoting the famous Steve Jobs, "As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." And by that I translate it into, "I should apply when even writing a cover letter excites me." You know that kind of excitement when you gotta spend a day with your loved ones, 

you are already happy even when you haven't met them yet .

I found that job and I am smiling when clicking the submit button. Feels like I have done something good for myself.

That's it. Talk to you next month.

Bonus: my desk setup for the last three months and what I see when I sit down. Working while watching BTS all day everyday. 

 

Project Swordsman: Month 2 Gone Mad

Awalnya mau diberi judul Gone Berserk, tapi kesannya saya transformasi jadi serigala atau beruang gila gitu haha jadi dibikin Gone Mad aja.

Saya degdegan 2 minggu lagi ujian Supply Chain Analytics. Harapannya sih dapet A. Sejauh ini masih terlihat dapat dicapai.

Mendesain hari-hari penuh pencapaian-pencapaian kecil cukup efektif untuk mencegah kegilaan. Karena SC Analytics sebentar lagi selesai, saya sedang menimbang-nimbang apakah akan lanjut ke data science yang lagi ngetren akhir-akhir ini atau pindah ke project management. Keduanya berkaitan erat sama profesi yang diinginkan sih tapi mungkin project management lebih general bisa ke supply chain bisa ke NGO.

Fika share kebunnya, Zuhdi share ikannya. Saya ingin pelihara ayam.

Suasana udah kaya suasana pensiun.

Project Akiyama: Week 6 Black Out Tuesday

Black lives matter

I know I'm in no position to say anything. Sending virtual hugs to the world.

Project Akiyama: Week 5 Closure

Say that I've been obsessing over a perfect destination, a journey I'm very, very proud of, for 5 years at least? I wanted it to be so perfect that I forgot sometimes things go south.

At first, it was very hard for me to admit that I came unprepared for the journey. I was on board not knowing how to handle challenging situations. Of course I could learn and adapt--and I did, but it was a lot of work and dedication. It cost me an arm and a leg. I felt alone and lost, caught in a storm. Only last year I realize that I actually got a partner, a kind one, that is willing to help me grow and learn. It is the most beautiful thing I ever have.

And it's warm, and real, and bright. And the world is somehow shifted.
(Ini lirik I See the Light wkwkwkkw)

With him (and mba Risa's annoying questions too) I learn how to question myself. What am I doing? What do I want? How do I feel about it? A set of questions with no right answer.

While trying to find my answer, I understand that it is important to admit (at least be honest with myself) that I need help, that I am in a challenging situation, that I am not okay, so that I can see things as they are. Only then will I know where my journey lead to.

Today I rewrite my wish. I don't need perfect. I am proud of how real I can be.

Terus lagunya pas Karolina dong huhuhuhuhuhuhuh sad.

I thank my SO for being warm, and real, and bright. Thank you 💕

Project Akiyama: Week 4 Career Roadmap

Mohon maaf saya ngomong tentang karir dan belajar melulu karena kesehariannya memang berkutat di situ. Kali ini saya sedang buat career roadmap dan development dashboard.

Jika kalian para pembaca adalah warga twitter seumuran saya dengan lingkungan pergaulan yang dekat, kemungkinan besar ketemu sama tweet populer ini ya:

Sejujurnya di awal perkariran saya ga pernah pikir ribet-ribet. Dari bayi sampai kuliah semua sudah ditentukan jalurnya bagaimana, pikir saya, nanti kerja apa juga akan dikasih tunjuk. Namun, ketika mulai enek dengan kuliah yang nggak ngerti "bentuk"-nya kaya apa dan ga kerasa pula yang saya kerjain ini hasilnya bagaimana, saya mulai berpikir untuk pilih jalur karir murtad dari teknik elektro, teknik komputer, dan sebangsanya. (Di kehidupan selanjutnya baru sadar bukan elektro yang bentuknya ga keliatan tapi saya yang ga nyampe pikirannya haha)

Kebetulan pola pikir saya kala semester 6 harus cari kerja praktik kurang lebih sama dengan yang ditweet mas-mas itu. Pertama saya kepo-kepo dulu mau market apa (untuk selanjutnya saya mau sebut market sebagai industri). Waktu itu kakak 2011 yang paling keren dan bisa ditanyain itu Kak Ovi di Accenture, Kak Ratih di Microsoft kebetulan keduanya kecimpung di IT services. Saya yang kekeuh hasil kerjanya harus keliatan ya nggak daftar (ga akan keterima juga lagian dengan resume macam saat itu wkwk wong IPK dapet 3 aja mesti nunggu transkrip semester 5 keluar). Ada profesi apa lagi sih di dunia ini?

Bingung dunia kerja itu sebenernya isinya apa lagi, saya gali-gali mulai dengan intip mimpi zaman SD dulu: kerja di TV. Sebenernya secara spesifik dulu cita-cita saya jadi semacam David Attenborough. Namun, menyadari nggak bisa tiba-tiba terkenal, mungkin bisa dimulai dari kerja di TV atau iklan aja dulu. Maka saya daftar ke NET yang saat itu sedang populer. Lupa waktu itu siapa ya yang info, kak Iffah gitu kalo ga salah. Pilihan kedua ke marketing Unilever sebagai yang produk dan iklannya di mana-mana, ceritanya mau arah ke cita-cita pas SMP jadi copy writer. Keduanya ga ada kabar. Eh, terus ketika nyoba marketing P&G berhasil lolos sampai interview user. Di kantor Senayan sana ketemu Dea yang lagi proses intern finance, yang kemudian ketemu lagi ketika sama-sama kerja di Unilever. Akhirnya P&G ga lanjut proses berikutnya sih. Waktu itu sedih banget tapi ya yaudah.

Tingkat tiga ditutup dengan dapet kerja praktik cuma modal swap nama dengan Demsy. Ajaib memang hidup. Perjalanan mengejar karir yang dimau belum berhenti tentu saja. Interview P&G itu menyisakan rasa penasaran sama industri barang consumables alias bahan habis pakai. Semester akhir kuliah nyoba P&G lagi tapi masih ditolak. Unilever, Nestle, Danone, GSK, semua sama. Akhirnya dapet first job masih dengan modal networking. Ajaib memang hidup. Industrinya agak belok sedikit consumer durable, tapi bisalah dibawa belok balik ke jalur aslinya. Daftarnya marketing tapi ujungnya supply chain karena minta nego gaji haha. Belok juga nih.

Udah nih settle pekerjaan pertama? Sebagai anak baru lulus agak degdegan dong... bener ga ya stepping stonenya? Di fase inilah baru dimulai bikin career roadmap, gara-gara diskusi dengan mentor pertama saya, Pak Fajar, yang kalau di blog ini saya panggil Capt. Ini linkedin learning bikin career roadmap kalo mau nonton. Saya kasih roadmap tiap fase-fase berpikir saya ya. Enak banget kalau lagi perlu buat keputusan maju atau diam. Cuma dulu ya ga dibikin tabel cuma urek-urek di buku wkwk. Btw ini pakai kaidah pindah tuh ga bisa breg langsung ya, satu-satu antara role dulu atau industri dulu.

Roadmap Initial. Mahasiswa tingkat akhir belum pernah kerja

Case1. Offer kerja pertama: industri meleset sedikit, company meleset, role meleset. Decision: diambil da butuh 😀😀 eh ternyata seru -> RoadmapAdj1

Case2. Ketemu senior inspiratif pivot dari Finance ke Supply Chain tanpa pindah perusahaan. Juga terjadi sesuatu di company yang bikin terekspos dengan struktur Finance -> RoadmapAdj2

Case3. Offer kerja kedua. Role sama, industri sama. Nggak mempermudah capai tujuan plus kalo pindah perlu adaptasi perusahaan baru, maka memilih stay di jalur

Case4. Offer kerja ketiga. Dapet nih role logistic sesuai yang direncanakan di Job #1, eh tapi diarahkan ke project 3 months, jadi teteup stay with current roadmap aja deh

Case5. Offer kerja keempat. Ini nih contoh subjectivitas ya. Udah cakep industrinya, cakep pula udah dua tahun kerja saatnya bergerak, tapi tetep ga diambil karena satu dan lain hal wkwk

Case6. Offer kerja kelima. Company idaman yuhuu 💖 Akhirnya pindah kerja within designated timeframe.

Case7. Terusik hatiku.
RoadmapAdj3.

fyi visual guide for Adventure Motorbike 

Project Akiyama: Week 3 Adulting

Ini minggu ketiga sejak effective date. Temanya adalah bosan. Bosan belajar. Sok iye banget sebenarnya ya, macam sudah ahli saja. Namun, mengerjakan hal yang itu-itu aja, di meja itu lagi, di depan laptop lagi, ya memang bosan juga. Akhirnya Minggu sore punya ide kirim-kirim makanan buat anak kosan. Dibilang kirim-kirim sebenarnya nggak sebanyak itu juga sih, cuma tiga tempat. Awalnya mau empat tapi yang satu lagi ditolak hahaha. Sedih tapi yasudah. Mau kirim ke SO juga tapi kok jauh ya takut udah ga bagus, jadi batal juga.

Gara-gara ide kirim-kirim tersebut akhirnya jadi chat sama Astari, lalu dia ide untuk bikin teleponan geng rumah belajar Tama alias kempar kempur (gatau kenapa nama grup WA-nya gitu). Terjadilah teleponan berdurasi sekitar 3 jam sama mereka-mereka itu, sambil main tebak gambar juga plus ketawa ketawa ga jelas. Kangen banget banget banget. Hampir fullteam cuma Tanto aja yang ga muncul, ia baru muncul di grup pada Senin paginya. Abis kelar telepon ini jadi kangen telepon SO juga, tapi dia kerja. Lagipula saya orang yang sabar (kayanya). Semoga situasi segera kondusif ya.

Harusnya disensor ya latarnya Fadel tapi mager

Serunya ngobrol dengan teman lama zaman remaja krisis adalah saya jadi sadar bukan cuma saya yang merasakan perubahan-perubahan, adaptasi-adaptasi. Dari dulu bikin laporan praktikum bareng di lantai karpet sambil tiduran makan sari gandum atau ngusir tikus di bawah tangga, sampai sekarang misah-misah kota berbagai mata pencaharian membangun keluarga-keluarga baru. Ya memang iya mana mungkin saya doang yang mengalami perubahan, cuma kaya ditepok gitu lho dibikin "heh bangun". Ada yang udah ganti kota, ada yang udah ganti kerjaan, ada yang udah ganti pacar, ada yang udah ganti status, ada yang udah mau lahiran 2 minggu lagi. Bener-bener beda jalan.

Hari ini sembari nulis dan mata berkaca-kaca saya jadi sadar juga bahwa semua orang punya porsinya masing-masing dalam hidup. Ga perlu maksa, lakukan aja sebaik yang saya bisa. Kalau lelah ya istirahat. Kalau butuh bantuan bilang. Merangkum krisis jatuh-bangun-jatuh-bangun dari zaman tingkat dua dulu sampai sekarang, saya percaya yang bikin saya tetap ada sekarang ini karena saya mampu bangkit lagi dan saya nggak pernah sendirian. Banyak orang baik di sekitar yang akhirnya buat saya sadar bahwa saya berlaku indifferent itu nggak menolong siapapun termasuk diri saya sendiri. Masih belajar sih karena ya masa 20 tahun ga punya perasaan dan selalu transaksional bisa dalam 6 tahun berikutnya tiba-tiba jadi baik hati wkwk. Saya bersyukur punya kesempatan kenal dengan orang-orang baik sehingga tahu mana yang perlu ditinggal. Senang sekali teman-teman (dan SO) tercintaku mau bertumbuh bersama saya 💗

Sekian. Saya mau belajar buat tutor nanti malam.

Btw, gara-gara saya sinisin beberapa waktu lalu, sales periplus sekarang kalau WA minta izin dulu hahahaha.

42.5
Kangen bakmi bangka

Project Akiyama: Week 2 Liar Game

Ternyata saya bosan. Jadilah kali ini muncul project kedua, Akiyama. Awalnya ingin saya beri nama Full Moon, tapi kan mau dibuat weekly kok ga nyambung namanya haha. Maka digunakanlah nama yang lagi sering ada di kepala alias Akiyama tokoh utama manga Liar Game.

Berbeda dengan Sunrise yang dibuat harian selain karena sepi kebanyakan waktu juga rutinitas belum jelas maunya apa, Akiyama akan muncul di akhir minggu dan cerita highlight aja. Bosen kan Sunrise dengar saya cerita olahraga mulu selama sebulan? Hahaha

Ini adalah akhir minggu kedua dihitung sejak effective date 22 April. Saking banyaknya waktu, saya yang awalnya bingung mau mengalihkan energi cinta mati dan gila kerja ini kemana ternyata bisa juga akhirnya menemukan banyak hal untuk dijadikan obsesi cadangan haha.

Pertama, cari kerja. Yang ini jelas ya, saya udah pernah bikin progress report di Day 30. Masih ingin idealis nurut sama alasan awal resign, cari-cari fokus hanya di sektor energi dan farmasi. Sebenernya ini awalnya iri aja karena SO bahagia betul nampaknya bekerja di public sector. Eh terus Wida pindah dari BI ke UNAIDS, makin tergodalah. Padahal maunya pakai kriteria multinasional dan public company. Jadilah sempit sekali ruang gerak ini. Mari dipantau saja kapan akan menyerah haha. Masalah cari tempat yang baik untuk kesehatan mental belum diulik karena sudah terbukti saya jagonya bertahan dan sok kuat wkwkwkwk.

Kedua, olahraga. Cerita saya beli yoga mat sudah ya? Nah, ini dalam rangka fokus core dan mau bikin perut kotak-kotak hahahahaha ga deng, dulu yang awalnya 2 kali seminggu sekarang jadi dua hari sekali. Kerasa sih lebih mampu melakukan hal-hal aneh. Kemarin ada gerakan explosive push up. Kebayang deh kalo ga pake mat itu telapak tangan retak kali wkwkw lebay. Bentar lagi belajar boxing nih kayanya haha.

Ketiga, belajar. Ini nih peer banget karena menjadi relevan dengan pasaran sekarang itu ya susah. Mau apa dulu yang dimulai nggak tahu. Baru sadar chart yang dishare kak Agas dulu dan kata-kata Pak Deden dulu itu bener. Pool job market-nya planner sempit, dibagikan mulut ke mulut, dan talentnya sedikit. Di mana-mana iklan yang seliweran lowongan customer service dan logistic. Mau nggak mau ya memantaskan diri jadi yang bisa segala wkwk plus networking sedikit-sedikit. Kemarenan selesai logistic foundation di LinkedIn learning. Sekarang lagi mulai SC Analytics di MITx nya edx. Gatau deh telaten apa engga. Sebenernya planner semua lagi gerak ke machine learning. Kalo mau ya belajar R kaya Yoga tapi mager buanget. Dia bilang ada lowongan di Shopee, planner tapi ngoding wkwkwkwk wow sekali.

Keempat, closure. Ini proyek saya dari 2018 yang belum juga selesai. Sebagai orang yang keras kepala dan punya imej sebagai orang jujur dan straight forward, agak sulit bagi saya untuk mengerjakan proyek dalam tim dengan tingkat otonomi tiap individu rendah. Apa namanya? Sentralisasi ya? Pengennya ngelawan mulu. Tapi ya sulit juga mau dibubarin soalnya belum selesai. Mei tahun lalu berhasil buat progress sedikit, dibantu SO. Bukan dibantu sih lebih tepat disebut diudag-udag kalo bahasa sunda. Kalau ngomongin dia tuh suka bingung gimana cara berterimakasihnya💕. Nah saking kebanyakan waktu, minggu ini mulai kepikiran buat lanjut lagi. Tapi ya kepikiran doang ga dikerjain. Bikin to do list aja dulu. Nunggu arahan dari yang di atas karena ya itu tadi otonomi rendah wkwkwk. Heran dimana-mana kaya gini kerjaan w.

Panjang banget yaampun. Nanti kalo tiba-tiba saya obsesi masak atau berkebun saya kasih tahu ya haha. Btw ini first take Adore You ngakak banget tiap believe it. Biasanya denger radio doang sama lagu di kantin kantor, jadi latian dulu bersama Harry Styles. Dia effortless beauty ya suka deh.

Yusrina Nur Dini · Recording 40

43.3
I can't lie, can I?

Project Sunrise: Day 30

Hi there,

I feel fine today, I guess.
I'd like to close this project with progress update. So many reds 😅

Thank you for reading this 30 days blabbering content. I miss talking to my SO but this time I think it is best to spend some time alone. We will survive, I believe.

Project Sunrise: Day 29

Hi,

Today I feel calm it is weird. I read Silmi's blog first thing in the morning. It is the best thing I had this month, I think. She is a remarkable writer.

I guess I need to be strong too.

Project Sunrise: Day 28

Hi,

I don't feel good today. My head is a wild space and the mind is eager to explore everything. I promise myself not to talk with anyone. Can't take promises lightly as it will make me feel worse.

Project Sunrise: Day 27

Heyyy,

I am too immersed in my financial planning I end up forget to come here hahahaha sorry.
Retirement fund balance from current company (along with final settlement) has been shared -> new information means plan adjustment. I need to make a new plan and start juggling. Will start reallocating once semua cair. (what?)

This hasn't considered halal-haram ya haha. Abisan mau buka deposito di bank syariah mesti ke bank kan repot.

Talking with Kak Tifa about housing in BSD, about why she prefer live in BSD compared to Bekasi and Cibubur, (and of course Jakarta is not an option considering the price). I'd like to live in BSD but most likely cannot afford to buy a house there as a single-income household haha. Owning vs renting is a topic that is still an abstract for me. Pros and cons?

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, Zuh!

I'd like to repeat the message you gave me as it is beautifully crafted and true.

Every time you reach that crossroad where you could choose to do a different thing, you will notice that there is a fear there, telling you to take the same route you're used to. Give yourself a little time. Ask him questions, then listen.

I like you as simple and human as you are.

Project Sunrise: Day 26

Heyho,

80 reps of Straight Leg Bicycle is really something.
All my core muscles hurt hahahahahahahah. I can't wait to see the effect of this core training to my 10 km personal best. Soon.

Project Sunrise: Day 25

Hey,

It is official that I am now unemployed ✊✊✊
I don't feel like I lose my identity or part of myself, which is surprising since this was what scared me back in Dec last year when making this decision. But maybe it's because it's only been a day 😂😂😂

HBR When Losing Your Job Feels Like Losing Your Self

I feel more anxious towards how I can support myself financially but also have some money in investment. I usually have 6 months coverage emergency fund while the rest goes to investment. But now that I don't have regular paycheck, I decide to have 12 months cash cushion instead. Means, I let myself enjoy this happy time for 6 months so by end of Oct I should (I really should) have a new job and 6 months emergency fund.

But... The other factor that can make this 12 months emergency fund too little is if the economy doesn't recover next year. Will make adjustment to the plan based on latest update in the news.*

*this very much like working in weekly forecast 😂

Project Sunrise: Day 24

Hi,

I start to consider mba Ditta's comment on how hard it is looking for the "right" job when you are leaving a considered big public company.

She said that when you are staying in certain position (no role-rotation) for too long and not taking the opportunity to make the effort to stay relevant with current job market, you will end up being a candidate that is: not qualified yet to step up to the next management level but too expensive to take the same position as in previous company.

Anyway, it is just a thought.

I am missing Becca and we've been sending cute dog photos from the internet these past two days. I guess friendship in this age of 25-ish is about sending memes and cute cat/dog regularly.

Done rereading Death Note + its One Shot 2020, now moving into rereading Fullmetal Alchemist. I should've brought a book from kosan hhhhh. What should I add to my everyday variations of reading comics, attending class, and working out? Should I try gardening?

Project Sunrise: Day 23

Hi!

I gotta admit that I started today's yoga exercise with high confidence because my body is very flexible. But... this is something. I have difficulties doing transition between pose. It requires not only flexibility but smooth flow, like dancing (?). It is fun to experience new things and challenging my body's strength and endurance (also I miss long distance running so got to seek for another adventure). Here's the link in case you would like to try it too NTC Lengthen & Flow Yoga.

Project Sunrise: Day 22

Hellooo,

I didn't buy the Avoskin toner, please celebrate this with me 👯👯

Yesterday I am crafting some personal messages for many important people (for me) at the office. I will finish it today. I really enjoy this activity because it makes me feel human: I feel both sad leaving them and feel good about myself moving on from something I am not comfortable with.

I learn a lot in this short period of time. Kaya aksel kali ya haha.
I learn to accept myself. Actually, even when it is only the second time I was there, I have learned a thing about me that nobody has ever mentioned. I cried during the interview (mbrebes mili bahasa inggrisnya apa hayo).

It is a mixed feeling, it is hard to let go of something valuable, but like mba Riri once said:

Put yourself first in everything you do when it comes to happiness

permisi, da pa neh rame amat kemaren

Project Sunrise: Day 21

Hi!

Today's menu is toning, I guess by the time this social distancing end, I'll have Kim Kardashian's butt 😂😂😂😂 just kidding. She has strong willpower (and other powers as well) while I don't. Anyway, I am thankful that my past-self impulsively deciding to buy a yoga mat (and grateful for the sponsor too). It turns out that most of the routine for this plan Lean Fit are done on the mat, especially the leg part. Aaand, Thursday menu is yoga, haha coincidence?

Talk about toning, I tried Avoskin Miraculous Refining Toner for the first time last night. Of course not mine haha, it is my sister's, I am part of the market for more-affordable skin care product. But Sociolla giving 21% discount makes me considering to buy this toner. It is payday today. The most awaited yet tricky day.

Project Sunrise: Day 20

Hello,

Wow this is the 20th day. Didn't expect that I've come this far. This routine actually helps a lot to condition my mind and body, tells them that a new day has come, let's achieve something today.

I am into Billie Eilish's when the party's over recently. You should listen to this duet by Joanna Serenko and Roderick Chambers. Anyway, I always feel better in the morning compared to when the sun has set. Is there any correlation between mood and sunrays? I think I should try to go to bed at 9 pm and get up early. Oh that reminds me, it's been 20 days since the last morning call. I don't wanna dwell into this bad feeling but, like Billie Eilish said in her song, i could lie, say i like it like this.

Project Sunrise: Day 19

Hari ini telat, keburu tengah hari haha. Masa namanya sunrise tapi publish jam 1 siang. Gatau pula mau cerita apa. Life is good. Calm and nothing much. Oh! Saya tahu. Mau rekomendasi channel youtube aja deh, dulu zaman baru pindah jakarta dan terkaget-kaget sama pengeluaran, channel ini cukup membantu. Meski ga semuanya bisa relate sih karena beda gaya hidup dan lokasi.

Project Sunrise: Day 18

Hi,

Woke up feeling sore throughout whole body. Yesterday's workout focused on strength training while this body of mine has no muscles strength. This pain is very well expected haha. Today is recovery day so no workout plan. A bit impulsive early in the morning trying 30 days free trial LinkedIn Premium while still in bed. And then went back to sleep. Leaving bed at 8.30 and now here I am blogging then continue to read Death Note. This is the life of people doing social distancing ✊

Project Sunrise: Day 17

Hi,

I am starting to think that I should rewatch Friends. Somehow Blake Shelton's joke at The Voice resemble Chandler's. 💁Well, I love them both.

Project Sunrise: Day 16

Heyy,

Sometime this week, I started to read Death Note after working hours. It made me feel the excitement, blood rushing thing, when reading such a page-turning work of art. I obviously need to get back into reading. Oh! My package from UK is on its way, yay. It is Liz Climo's latest book, You're Mom. Grant Snider also launched a new book recently. I will certainly buy it once my new budgeting scheme is proven to be working. Haha.

 

Earlier this morning, the day starts with huge amount of worry--building up since almost 3 weeks ago-- that finally turns into sparks of relief. It's not because there is good news, but more of a confirmation statement that is more believable. So to sum up the story: though I am in a familiar situation with pretty much expected outcome, I feel uneasy. So I go to the source of this feeling of worry, then ask confirmation whether there is something going on. And finally, I feel relieved when that somebody confirmed that me feeling worried is valid. I didn't realize that I need consolation that much (I know I crave for affection but didn't know that consolation, comfort, and trust are the form of affection that I need right now).

Even my current learning indicate to do fact check before moving to decision making 😂😂

Maybe it is just me being human that demand affirmation? I know Jessica says a lot about self-affirmation but it is very hard to do if you have insecurities, you know that. I am crying while writing the previous part, but not because I am sad. It's just weird to feel love and comfort to the point of you feel content about what you have in the present and makes your fear of the future become ridiculous.

I like him even when he is angry or bothered, love is so weird.
Now I feel at ease.

Project Sunrise: Day 15

Last night I dreamt of going to the beach for ikan bakar craving.

I am feeling good today.

Project Sunrise: Day 14

When you have been in demand planning role for almost 4 years and yet could not pass the assessment 😰😰

Project Sunrise: Day 13

Hi!

With current situation of Corona virus, it is not advisable to go (running) outside. Since I don't have treadmill at home but surely need to stay sane, I am looking for another way to exercise. These past 4 weeks I have been focusing on bodyweight training using Nike Training Club. I have completed one training plan (9 workouts in 4 weeks) and would like to level up. Maybe updating from 2-3 workout a week to 3-4? Anyway, hurt myself last week when doing plank saws, both elbows bruised for days and it hurts even when doing the "normal" plank. So I bought a yoga mat to support the training plan hahahahahah. Yes, this is an excuse for spending money on things I don't really need. 😀😀😀😀

Stay safe people!

Project Sunrise: Day 12

Hello,

I feel sad today. I cried in the toilet. I need my personal space. I miss my kosan room.

Project Sunrise: Day 11

Hi,

Last night I finally got to hear his voice again through one hour phone call. I have just realized that the term is significant others because even the smallest act they do play significant role to what you feel the whole day. Or maybe it is just me being extra 😅 I am so glad he is okay.

Another news. My youngest sister moving upstairs so I am officially a guest with no bedroom. Packing some things into boxes and found a letter from a dear friend, post cards, other mementos that all makes me feel loved. I am grateful for my past.

That's all.

*Pas cari foto, nemu screenshot Hangout isinya ditegur karena ga setor nomor body taksi pas pulang dari stasiun Gambir dini hari dan milih taksi bukan biru hanya karena ga enak hati udah kontak mata dengan supirnya (silly me). Bahkan lagi sibuk diklat di Semarang pun perhatian lho, how can I not love you

Project Sunrise: Day 10

Better start re-learning than wasting time overthinking.

But reading comics is FAR MORE INTERESTING. I have caught up with latest release of Detective Conan and now halfway on re-reading Kindaichi Case Files 😅 I left my learning hanging, only have done 1/7 assessment. Will continue once I have my spirit up hahahaha.

Project Sunrise: Day 9

Back to square one and I don't know what to expect.

Btw, ini foto terakhir di luar rumah: 11 Mar 2020 sebab 12 Mar sudah WFH. Aku kangen.

CES 2020

Consumer Electronics Show 2020

Key takeaways from Unilever's News Center

• Technology as new form of storytelling
• The rise of ad-supported streaming, more content provided in innovative ways
• Privacy policies can be a huge differentiator for consumers
• New form of mobility means future of logistic/delivery
• Tech that enhance consumers' lives should be honest about intentions and utility of the brand
• AI affect the entire lifecycle of a product/service from product development to relationships with customers
• The shape and placement of screens to vary so much: technology/product in general need to intersect with consumers, not interrupt them. Make people's lives more seamless. In case you are interested in Samsung 85" 8K TV with no bezel

 

source: Samsung

• 5G network will be available in the US by December:
• richer digital experiences, more engaging
• real-time analytics
• Digital beauty means more personalized personal care
• consumer able to get the product they want, when they want, how they want it, all in a form that is designed and delivered uniquely for them
• interaction with customer through digital engagement (mobile devices, mobile applications) to collect user data and preferences and give recommendations
• consumer opt for more natural, organic, environmentaly sustainable ingredients. Thus, sourcing is the key in supply chain.
• working with local farms
• agricultural research
• Health and wellness also rely on data collection to allow healthcare providers provide better understanding of consumers' bodies
• In food and beverage, sustainability is again a keyword. Consumers shift to vegan or vegetarian.
• In-kitchen experience from smart

Sharing you this Amazfit Bip S from CES 2020 just because I like the picture posted. Source: Amazfit

Project Sunrise: Day 8

Heyyy,

Would like to start the post with good vibes.
I am proud of my self-control in Mar, seeing Q1 actual spend for hura-hura was only +0.1% compared to budget plan. Having Jan started with Surabaya trip, followed by Bali and Lampung in Feb, Mar was sure need to be as cheap as possible. I cut down my spending on skincare though my toner, face mask, and body scrub need to be restocked 😂 Also need to highlight I didn't spend any money in Lampung (only return flight), thanks to the one and only most sensitive highly empathetic person with 100% logical thinking 😅 I am thankful for many things in you.
*biggest cut to Mar essentials were transport and laundry. I am surprised it was not meals.

Another happy announcement, Liz Climo launched a new book last night and I've bought a copy. YAYY

Now, moving to the next section called Today's Regret hahaha.

• I regret not being fully aware of how important project management (and often product management) in current business context, knowing how fast products and services are being replaced/upgraded with new technology. Given my bsc is in electrical engineering, dissapointing. I am writing another post about CES 2020, fyi
• This happens a lot, but regret always come later you know. I am dissapointed at myself for not listening to a suggestion long long time ago, to learn how to drive, of course by him, the one and only most sensitive highly empathetic person with 100% logical thinking. And I need it now to tick one of many boxes of qualifications. Haaaaaaaa why didn't I listen. I am afraid though.

That's all.

TL;DR I miss him.

Project Sunrise: Day 7

Hi,

I will certainly miss being called nyet as a form of showing affection 💗 Haaa this makes me sad.

Also, I really hate it when my mind start projecting what I felt during the day into dreams at night. Writing helps. I feel bad for my SO for having to listen to my bad dreams. I hope he is doing okay.

Project Sunrise: Day 6

Hi,

I cried last night, tears of joy, learned that I finally have the capacity to act the way my past self wished I have done, sometime ago. I do make a progress and I am proud of it.

Anyway, I have picked a song to cover. Let me practice a bit then I'll show you 😐

Project Sunrise: Day 5

Hi,

Knowing I can't sing the way I used to is somehow devastating 😐
I guess I need to practice and pick a song to cover.

Well.

Project Sunrise: Day 4

Hey,

My mind is still clinging into something in the past and that is not good. Though I make some progress on the other thing I am working on, I still feel bad about myself. It is as if you know what you have to do but don't know how to do it. I know what I want but I don't know where to start. Do I need to seek guidance?

Thanks for listening.

Project Sunrise: Day 3

Hello,

I had the best dream last night. I feel thankful.

See you.

Project Sunrise: Day 2

Hi!

I think, like a lot. But I don't have much to say. I am thrilled but scared. That's probably the word for it. I am also thinking about other things after realizing that one of my closest friend will be having a baby soon. In this time of crisis, it sounds a lot scarier.

Update:
My boss' Instagram story got me crying. Am I worthy now that I am tired of being confused, broken, frustrated, sad, and decided to stop trying so hard?

Project Sunrise: Day 1

Heyho!

I am transitioning towards a new phase/experience in life and therefore will be taking notes of what I feel, one day = one dedicated post (if I am consistent enough 😛). Also considering that my SO is currently away --bless you for what you are doing, love-- I will need to "obsess" over something else, hence killing two birds with one stone.

I feel excited about things that may or may not come. Some friends reaching out yesterday really gave me validation that what I did these past 14 months matter and my purpose works. Here quoting for you:

Being fully present.

The antidote to a world full of distraction is more presence. Presence means being completely here. That means not obsessing about the past or future. Not focusing on other people's lives and what they are doing. But being fully present.

Talk to you tomorrow.