Check Point

Sudah enam bulan sejak tulisan saya tentang closure. Ada beberapa hal yang saya kagumi tentang perubahan pada diri saya. Mungkin sebenarnya kecil sekali dibandingkan perjalanan yang perlu saya tempuh. Namun, saya yakin hal ini jadi salah satu katalis proses-proses selanjutnya. Segalanya terasa lebih ringan.

Peace be upon us.

Kelewat

Halo halo,

Mohon maaf ya tanggal 22 kemarin saya lupa tulis update. Jadi post ini tanggal publish-nya di-back date biar tetep cakep hahahaha.

Saya mulai kerja di tempat baru tanggal 15, jadi tanggal 22 itu tepat seminggu saya resmi bukan pengangguran. Terus kuliah juga sudah mulai ngerjain peer tiap minggu. Volunteer jadi panitia acara lari mulai ga kepegang. Ngasisten apalagi. Lari masih, tapi dikurangi karena cedera lutut. Challenge baca 12 buku di tahun 2020 gatau kaya apa kelanjutannya.

Banyak concern ya? Haha.

Awalnya adrenaline rush gitu tiap punya target baru. Semangaaat banget pengen ngejar. Hal yang berkali-kali saya alami dan masih belum ngerti cara menanganinya adalah cara nentuin pace. Kebiasaan ngebut di awal terus cape gitu lho.

Kalau dianalogikan ke lari nih. Dulu zaman lari dipaksa banget (apalagi yang di Malang napas sesak kaya apaan) kerasa bahwa kalo udah sampe ke titik "maksimal" tuh sulit buat recover. Misal nih normalnya HR lari aerobik 155, ini bisa sampe 178 gara-gara ngejar bocah-bocah ajaib itu ga kira-kira, abis itu mau jogging selelet apa juga tetep aja paling banter HR turun ke 165an.

Nah.

Kalo ini dicocoklogi ke burn out kerjaan, ya begitu juga. Sekalinya udah cape, fed up, ya udah ga bisa jadi normal lagi performancenya. Padahal kan kalo diatur biar "secukupnya" aja effortnya tuh mungkin bisa ya. Diatur sedemikian rupa agar masuk ke level engage, tapi ga sampe yang lieur lieur sorangan.

Pindah ke topik yang awal. Sekarang ini saya udah masuk level lieur lieur sorangan kebanyakan yang dipegang haha. Kurang dapat menentukan kapasitas diri nampaknya.

Btw di kehidupan personal pun gitu ga sih. Kaya kalo suka sama orang tuh takut kelewatan terus nanti lama-lama enek? Hahaha engga ya? Ini ketakutan saya seminggu ini. Lah curhat dia.

Apa siah post aku teh ga ada gunanya, post-nya Silmi mah cakep pilihan katanya wkwk.

Project Swordsman: Month 5 Final

I have come to the end of my job-seeking journey. A trip filled with self-questioning. Things haven't been easy, though I must admit that it was still way easier than last year 😅 Oh, about last year, I feel sorry for not involving anyone when I made the decision to take a break. To tell you the truth, I was not sure about what I want. Well, I still am.

It feels like I've grown so much in these past two years.

Since I made it out alive, would like to acknowledge that this wouldn't be possible without the love and support from those around me. I won't be able to get here without you ❤❤❤ (special kudos to my SO, thank you for staying through this hardship)

I made another post, closure, about admitting failure, receiving help, and getting back up.

And to close this post, let's say

YEAYY!!

Project Swordsman: Month 4 Reflection

Oh, so serious! What I learnt from this fourth month.

1. Choose a growth mindset. Recognize you're in control of your choices.

2. Always choose action over inaction. (I take this by heart. One real example is applying as teaching assistant for current SC Analytics run, surprisingly got accepted, then able to meet many amazing people behind the course.)

3. Define success internally, not externally. (Masih terngiang di telingaku ucapan ulang tahun dari SO.)

On the fun side, I got to spend most of my time doing things that best describe "yusrina's teenage days".

1. Comics/anime

2. Boygroup fangirl

3. TV series/shows

4. Sports

Tried to read novels but I couldn't endure five minutes without checking my phone hahaha either the book wasn't good enough or I just lost the skill 🙃 One after school activity that I haven't touched yet is singing/violin practice. Plan to try cover a song but need some more confidence boost haha, been too long not singing more than humming in the shower.

Anyway, it's great to do things I love and recognize that I am actually in control of my choices (I know we need to talk about privilege but you got my point right?). I wish I could keep this in mind and remember it whenever I feel lost.

Project Swordsman: Month 3 Got Better

Here we are in the end of the third month. I have done the eat-sleep-repeat cycle for three months and finally become accustomed to it. Came to love having free time and do nothing hahaha, not bad actually.

I guess I could say that this is the peak of my content level. By that I mean if I have a gauge filled with mixed emotions, today I feel 100% content, for where I am today. Sharing with you things I am thankful for, excited about, and looking forward to in three bullet points.

• I am thankful for friends and family who stay. (Though I might attract creepy-vibe type of friend, but I am thankful for you too)

Mentioning some names I get in touch with this last 30 days that I can remember of.

SO (his update perikanan and encouragement as my alternative energy source🙇); Fika (her baking & hand craft practice update and gardening aspiration shows what passion is); War pocari: Wida, Dhila, Andas (I won't survive without you, das); Last night's catch up: Novi, Astari, Bea, Zuhdi, Toni, Ducun; Weirdest pick up line: Diar, Sahil, Arfie, Dwiky, Diba, mas Hary; Lovely mentor: Pak Fajar, Pak Deden, Mas Wisnu, Kak Tifa; My apakabar monthly routine: Gun, Daryl, Gepe; Travel partner 2017-18: Yoan, Darin, Ami.

 

I realize that people come and go and that is fine. We know we always got each other, right?

I learn that love cross boundaries, tsaaaah

 

• I am excited about my learning progress and where it leads to.

I've been meaning to take MicroMasters Program in edx provided by MITx since 2017, but only got the courage, resources, and enough grit earlier this year. The program consists of 5 courses and 1 comprehensive exam expected to be completed in one year and five months. And I have completed the first course with excellent score. YAY! I didn't know that I have that much perseverance needed to stay on schedule and do what it takes. I am proud of myself (shameless me).

 

Now I am enrolled in the next course that will start in Sep 9th. Might need to dip into my emergency fund if still don't have job by then but let's see. I also consider getting certification in supply chain or project management but this will wait until there is enough resource to do so. Waiting is a good thing here so that I have time to check and be sure if I really want it.

Failing in an aptitude test in early June also do me good favor. I have been playing brain games since then and kind of understand what areas I need to improve: language and problem solving. It is the reason I am back into reading. Tons of books from Big Bad Wolf I haven't read yet haha.

 

• I am looking forward to take a leap of faith.

Just kidding. I am indeed taking a leap of faith by aiming to do a career transition in these challenging times. But I ain't doing another one in this year (I guess?). 

After sending 40 applications (it is exactly 40, I have checked my list), I finally got an interview earlier this month for a consultant role. The interview made me realize that sending applications without getting feedback makes me question my capabilities & experiences. That leads to me sending more applications aimlessly, then leads to more self-criticism. It is a never ending cycle that takes so much energy.

The interview is a wake-up call, that I actually know what I want and what I am capable of. I think that's why it was easy for me and the person who I was talking to to agree that the vacancy she had was not the right fit for me. After that day, I decide on an indicator for a job I should apply to. Quoting the famous Steve Jobs, "As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it." And by that I translate it into, "I should apply when even writing a cover letter excites me." You know that kind of excitement when you gotta spend a day with your loved ones, 

you are already happy even when you haven't met them yet .

I found that job and I am smiling when clicking the submit button. Feels like I have done something good for myself.

That's it. Talk to you next month.

Bonus: my desk setup for the last three months and what I see when I sit down. Working while watching BTS all day everyday.